Curry is delicious and I mean technically it’s called a Rogan Josh…but Rogan Joe is funnier will take you three and a half hours to eat.

As always, if you dig this recipe, tag me at @draggedthroughthegarden on instagram and we can talk about DMT I guess.

Plant Based Rogan Joe…Josh. Whatever. It’s curry.

PLANT BASED ROGAN JOE

prep time: 15 minutes
cook time: 55 minutes

The Rogan Joe Experience.

This recipe requires you to season the living hell out of some seitan and chickpeas, throw it all together with a veggies into a lovely simmer sauce. Then take those things and set them atop a pile of rice.

To start, you’re going to prep your seitan…and your chickpeas. With lots of seasonings. Then you can get your onion and garlic going.

What you’ll need:

seitan (pictured below)
chickpeas
lemon
salt
pepper
smoked paprika
curry powder
basil
clove
garlic
cinnamon
ginger
red onion
cardamom pods (3-4)
nutmeg

For reference, I used this seitan for the recipe. The whole package.

Break apart the seitan and put it in a ziplock bag. Add half a tablespoon of each of the aforementioned seasonings. Mince up two cloves of garlic and throw them in the bag too. Add a splash of olive oil. Zest half a lemon directly into the bag and then use the juice of that same half-a-lemon.

For the chickpeas, you’re going to pretty much do the same thing. I used a bowl with a lid for this part so I could shake the chickpeas. So in a bowl, do the same thing. Use the second half of the lemon.

Let those things sit off to the side for a bit while you get the rest of this thing going.

In a kinda-sorta deep pan, add olive oil and heat it up to a medium flame. Cut up half a red onion into chunks and throw it all into the pan. Mince up some garlic and add that too. I use three cloves. Below is a very bad picture.

After your onion and garlic cook a little bit, add the chickpeas into the mix. The seasoning may get clumpy from the lemon juice & olive oil so scrape it all out if you have to.

This picture is better but still not great.

Let those three things cook out for a few minutes, stirring every now and then so nothing gets stuck to the bottom of the pan. Add a dash of olive oil if you need to. Next, you’re going to toss the seitan in there.

This picture is okay. Maybe I should buy a camera.

Next, add a little more olive oil and stir everything up. The fun thing about curry is you can usually get away with throwing whatever in there and it’s still very good. For this, we’re going to use red pepper and broccoli. Then you’re going to cover it in SAUCE.

What you’ll need:

red pepper
broccoli
canned tomatoes
vegan cream (or soy milk, or yogurt)

Cut up a red pepper into strips and cut up a head of broccoli. Trim the stems down as best you can without letting the crown fall apart. Toss that stuff into the pan.

This picture is somehow worse than the other ones!

Add a cup and half of canned tomatoes and stir everything up. Get everything covered in that sweet tomato liquid. Then add a half cup of either vegan cream, yogurt or soy milk. This will turn the color into a nice pink, orangey-like color.

When everything is all sauced up, bring the heat up to medium high and stir everything up for a few minutes. Then put a lid on the pan and drop the flame to low and let that thing simmer for about 45 minutes.

Next, you’re gonna make some rice to throw all that delicious curry atop.

What you’ll need:

white basmati rice (you gotta use the good stuff)
salt
pepper
lemon
olive oil
cilantro

Bring two cups of water to a boil and salt that water. Be sure to SALT THE WATER. Rinse off one cup off rice with cold water and then add that to the boiling water. Give it a stir and cover it up. Let it cook and once it’s ready add a little bit of olive oil and give it a stir. Remove it from the pot and put into a different bowl. Add salt and pepper to taste and then zest some lemon right into the rice. Don’t use the juice, just the zest. This will brighten the rice up and provide a nice contrast to the curry.

Pop the lid off of your curry and let it breathe for a second. Give it a nice stir and everything should be tender and lovely.

Look how tender everything is. This picture is okay. But my socks are in it.

Plate up some rice and throw some of the curry on there. Rinse some cilantro (or I guess we can call it coriander for this recipe) and dice it up and put that on there too. Now go and listen to a podcast or something.