Corned Seitan And Cabbage. St. Patrick’s Day, nostalgia, you get the idea. It takes a while to cook so keep that in mind.

As always, if you dig this recipe, tag me at @draggedthroughthegarden on instagram and we can talk about how that seitan is terrifyingly beefy looking.

Corned Seitan And Cabbage. I ain’t got beef.

CORNED SEITAN AND CABBAGE

prep time: 30 minutes
cook time: 3 hours

It might be quicker in a pressure cooker but I don’t have one.

This recipe requires you to make your own seitan, add it to a brine and add the pictured vegetables. And also buying pickling spice helps too.

To start, you’re going to start your seitan.

What you’ll need:

vital wheat gluten
olive oil
flour
salt
pepper
garlic powder
onion powder
cinnamon
allspice
beets
apple cider vinegar
coriander seed
mustard seed
whole peppercorns
pickling spice
21 seasoning salute (trader joe’s, optional but helpful)

So you're going to make two mixtures and then you are going to combine them. That’s how your seitan is formed. Take your beets and blend them with half a cup of apple cider vinegar. Set the contents aside for now.

In one bowl, add half a cup of flour. Then add three cups of vital wheat gluten. Add half a table spoon of each of the seasonings except the pickling spice, whole peppercorns and coriander seeds. Add a teaspoon each of the whole peppercorns and coriander seeds.

In another bowl, you’re going to add the contents from the beets and apple cider vinegar blend. Then add a half cup of water to that bowl as well.

Hopefully your counter is minimally messy.

Gradually add the wet mixture to the solid mixture while stirring everything up. Add more water if it gets too dry. Keep mixing the mixture up so it’s nice and doughy. Now toss it on the counter and knead it up for two minutes.

If you haven’t guessed, the beets are going to give this blob the color it will eventually end up being.

Get out some saran wrap and toss the pink blob onto it like pictured above. Then throw some pickling spice on top of it like pictured below. Wrap it and throw the blob in the fridge for an hour while you start your brine.

Next, you’re going to start your brine. In the biggest pot you own, add three cups of water and bring it up to a medium flame.

What you’ll need:

the aforementioned three cups of water
beefless bouillon cubes (or something of the sort)
red onion
garlic
apple cider vinegar
salt
pepper
bay leaf (2)

Add two bouillon cubes two the water and a big ol’ pinch of salt and pepper. While that stuff is doing its thing, you can cut up some garlic and red onion. Peel and crush five cloves of garlic. Slice up a whole red onion.

Add both the garlic and onion into the pot. While that is simmering and your blob is in the fridge, you can start to get the rest of the components of the dish ready. The rest of the recipe is pretty easy, it just requires a bit of waiting.

What you’ll need:

two large potatoes (or like four smaller ones)
a head of cabbage
carrots (or baby carrots)

Peel the potatoes completely and then cut them into chunks. Not tiny little diced up potatoes, but not humongous chunks of potatoes either. Set those aside for now.

If you’re using regular carrots, peel them and cut them into baby carrot-sized carrots. If you’re using baby carrots, you’re in luck because they are already baby sized.

Next, cut your cabbage into wedges. If you don’t know how, Martha Stewart will show you how to do it on YouTube.

Now assuming it’s been an hour since you put the blob in the fridge, take it out and let it rest at room temperature for a minute.

Martha didn’t teach me how to wedge the cabbage by the time this picture was taken. Also look how scary the blob looks.

Next, bring your pot up to a boil and gently place the large pink blob into the water careful not to splash yourself. Let the brine get hot again and then throw a lid on that baby and bring the temperature all the way to medium-low. You’re going to let the blob cook for an hour and a half. So put a podcast on. Or drink a beer. Or both!

Now after an hour and a half have gone by, get two slotted spoons or something to grab that thing and give the blob a flip. Poke it with a fork to see how the texture is coming along. After you’ve flipped it, bring the pot back up to a boil and then put the lid back on and simmer for another hour. Yes, an hour. At least. Hour and a half tops should do it.

If your pot is large enough to accommodate vegetables as well as the blob, add your vegetables into the brine along with the blob. If they don’t fit, it’s cool. Remove the blob and put onto a separate plate/bowl to rest for the next forty minutes. Now add your potatoes and carrots into the brine.

As you can see, my pot could not accommodate the vegetables and the blob.

Same drill as before, bring the brine back up to a boil and then cap it and let it simmer for 20 minutes.

After 20 minutes, toss in the cabbage that Martha showed you how to wedge.

Now stir that up a little bit so the wedges can take a little bath. Let that all cook in the pot for another 20 minutes. You don’t want your potatoes to get all mushy so keep an eye on them.

After all that time has gone by, using a slotted spoon, remove all of the vegetables from the brine and put them into a bowl or something for a little bit. The potatoes should be good and the cabbage should still have a bit of snap to it.

Next, you’re going to cut up your seitan. Blob. Whatever.

What you’ll need:

a very sharp knife

Put the seitan onto a cutting board and now that is has been rested for forty minutes, it should be fairly easy to cut into. Using a sharp knife, cut very thin slices out of it until you can’t anymore.

Here is a glamour shot of this now terrifyingly meaty looking blob of seitan.

Now you can pretty much plate up the whole thing however you deem appropriate. Serve alongside soda bread, a horseradish and mustard dip and a pint of Guinness.